Yesterday I spoke with a very smart and nice Australian woman at the Vatican who told me that Lestat's now world-famous article did not belong on the front page of ODR because it could turn even non-feminist women off. Tristan has now made the famous article just a topic in the forum.
For those who don't know about it, Lestat posted this on a blog in October and got the entire American feminist world in a rage. It was the single posting related to ODR that put this website on the map, even though it happened to be something I largely disagreed with. Go figure. I post the most at ODR, but the post that becomes world famous is by someone who posts very rarely.
Anyway, here is a polite critique of the famous post:
I have traveled widely to Europe and Asia and I want to share this well-known observation - American feminist women have a terrible reputation among men around the world. They are widely perceived as obese, selfish, spoiled, boorish and emotionally demanding.
I have crisscrossed the globe for a generation and have rarely seen foreign men mention American women except for showing extreme lust for Brittany Spears or, and I don't understand this, Paris Hilton.
They are also considered rather overbearing and hysterical. It's well known amongst expat communities around the world that American feminist women are shunned by men outside of U.S.A.
I wouldn't use those two adjectives myself, but if Lestat is specifying that any particular American woman is a "feminist", then I would say "overly-opinionated or self-centered or self-righteous".
But I have met great American women in foreign countries and would gladly date them if they were not overly-opinionated, self-centered and self-righteous.
The definition of "expat" tends to be anglo saxon males living in non-anglo-saxon societies. Anglo Saxon men have more power to tell American feminists to take a walk when they are in an environment where there are plenty of attractive non-feminist foreigners around.
On the contrary, decent and well-off American men are generally viewed as the "cream of the crop" - highly coveted and desirable.... These gentlemen enjoy a great reputation among foreign ladies who perceive them to be respectful, nurturing, responsible, well-educated and financially secure. In addition, these women believe that American men make great husbands, especially in contrast to native men, who are often disrespectful, abusive and unfaithful.
I wouldn't put down the competition at the end, but what Lestat says here is otherwise true and I bet this was the line that caused the rage in the feminist communities that believe that all women should hate American men (which is why feminists are gleeful about a foreign bride divorcing an American man and taking his house).
Also it is not "on the contrary" but "to the contrary". It is too late to change that grammar because the original post is now a classic and you cannot change a classic.
The problem in this country is that the "best in the world" are often paired up with the "worst in the world".... a complete mismatch. It's like a highschool Prom King dating an ugly, domineering and boorish girl. It's very unlikely this type of relationship will work out.
I will tell you why I don't see this analogy:
To me it is like the all-American highschool prom King dating the gorgeous American prom Queen, but she should be secretly dating a local businessman if she is over 18, which is what a Russian prom Queen would do.
Because the prom Queen is dumb enough to marry someone her own age who does not know what he wants (which is to eventually marry a younger woman), the marriage eventually falls apart and she is left bitter and divorced at age 40. She then sees her former husband or guys like me who never married...dating 20 year old Polish women and she screams out with fury and attacks international dating websites!
It can be said that this is not anyone's fault but the society that told the gorgeous Prom Queen that she should reject the local businessmen and waste her youth with the caddish Prom King her own age.
These days, that local businessman just gets on a plane to Europe after the Prom Queen back home shows she is tied up with the Prom King who is too young for her.
Sadly, this seems to be the case, as the marriages "made in America" have a higher divorce rate (55 to 60 percent) than in the cross-cultural marriages (15 to 20 percent).
Correct. And one of the reasons is that the cross-cultural dating scene is one where the risky practice of "dating your own age" is not the norm (see prom Queen marries Prom King analogy above).
So why is risk of divorce so much lower when an American gentleman marries a "mail-order bride"? In a nutshell, it's because our Prom King is marrying a Prom Queen, who is beautiful, intelligent, feminine, appreciative and devoted.
But I just said that the whole problem was that the American Prom King marries the American Prom Queen and that is a mistake. So I see the foreign Prom Queen marrying Indiana Jones or James Bond while telling the immature, unsuccessful, same-age Prom King to take a hike.
A growing number of affluent American men are rejecting American feminist women and going overseas to embrace loverly, young foreign brides. A nearly fourfold increase in foreign women entering the U.S. on fiance(e) visas (over the last 7 years) supports this contention. It's no secret that by pursuing foreign women, men can find much younger, more attractive and devoted partners than what's available at home.
Come to think of it, maybe what upset radical feminists most about Lestat's post was his unabashed use of the Victorian word "loverly". That even drives me nuts.
That being said, this must be an example of a "loverly" Russian woman:
And I haven't really noticed a lot more American men going to Russia. I see empty plane seats and empty train seats and, when I go to the Red Lion in St. Petersburg, I am the single American guy surrounded by 300 Russian women. Aren't we still 0.2% of the population? Let's keep it that way after we get a Supreme Court decision that laws cannot be made against Americans who travel as a protected class (a protected minority).
So while American men deal with radical feminists back home, we 0.2% are forced to deal with this:
Let me tell you about the relationship between my loverly Russian wife and myself. Despite our 21 year age difference, our relationship is based on mutual love and admiration.... our love is real and valid. Also, our bond is strengthened by our common interests, continual romance and mutual respect for each other. As with most Russian women, my wife is independent and has a strong will. Our relationship is a 50-50 equal partnership. There is no control and no domination.
He is correct that there is no domination and control issue in such an age difference. If anything, the younger woman always has more power to leave the older man because she is young and beautiful and the world wants her.
My experience, as described above, is very typical of most marriages to "mail-order brides" - in contrast to many marriages "made in America", there are no bitchiness or nagging, no hysteria or drama and no belligerant or confrontational behaviors.... only mutual love and admiration.
Russian women with no hysteria or drama??
That is what I love about them! They cry their eyes out if they perceive that things are not or might not work out...which is the glue that makes them so wonderful to me.
Let me contrast the two relationships I had with American women 20 years younger than myself recently: there was no bitchiness or nagging, no hysteria or drama and no belligerent or controlling behavior. The physical part of the relationships were great. With great dental work, American women make great kissers.
But the problem was that these two gorgeous young California women never cried. Because it wasn't about me or whether I might leave them or things wouldn't work out. Feminism had taught them to be self reliant to the point of not being able to cry. It was like dating men in this respect. Women reading this: please let your emotions come out. Forget the ideology that says you have to behave like a man and emote like a man.
Another problem was the Opinionatedness: One girlfriend was a leftist who just could not handle that I was for overthrowing Saddam and she could not say the word "radical feminist" in a sentence (or "radical" anything).
And the other was an evangelical Christian who took religion to mean judging everybody else harshly (but she was the best kisser).
Therefore...., when a decent and affluent American gentleman marries a young, lovely foreign bride, what's created is truly, a match made in heaven - the best matched with the best.... And IMBRA is really a vindictive and scornful feminist response to growing international romance.
There is no other logical reason for IMBRA. It is protectionism against social globalization. It is is like opposing the Free Trade Agreement.
I want to inform modern American feminists of this new reality: most American men do not want you. They do not want to date you and they certainly do not want to marry you. Do you know why? Because any relationships with you pose too much legal and financial risks to American men.
He is talking about radical feminists, which is any American woman who could support IMBRA (any feminist who thinks at least part of IMBRA are wrong is someone I might date and marry).
The enormous risks of divorce and financial insolvency that men face when they marry you is no longer justified by paltry (often minimum) rewards that you bring to a marriage.
I might marry an American woman whom I know has been working to overthrow laws that financially destroy men when divorces happen.
Imagine, however, going on a date with a young American woman and mentioning how some guy got taken to the cleaners unfairly and your date getting anxious about telling you how much she disagrees with you?
Guess what? I've had that happen in the US. That is probably the norm in cities like Boston, Seattle or San Francisco. They would argue without realizing that you are really testing them on what they might do to you.
A journalist in America should survey some single women on the street about Michael Jordan and other topics and then ask the final question: if a man knew you felt this way, should he consider you a risk factor as a bride? Odds are that a common answer would be "Screw him if he doesn't like anything I said." This would be saying "If a man does not like it that I just promised that I would financially ruin him if things went wrong with a marriage, then screw him".
And then the Tahirih Justice Center women (who think this way) try to put themselves into court as "experts" who say the men who refuse to date women who think that way are "maladjusted" or "socially inept" and "prone to wanting to control a woman".
Someone should write a book about how people with certain ideologies will directly tell you what they would or will do to you under hypothetical scenarios...when it is not in their interest to make such admissions nor would it be wise for the person listening to allow that person to do what they promised.
When someone says they are going to do something, they often will.
If a woman says on the first date "You go girl" when she hears that Michael Jordan's wife took him to the cleaners....run...don't walk and don't pick up the check on that one.
The problem is that too many American men will let such a "You go girl" about a woman screwing over a man big-time...go straight through one ear and out the other. The man might figure that he is, at least, getting sex right now, so he won't calculate the risk despite it being obviously 100%.
Thus, you are being scorned and ignored by a growing number of affluent American men who prefer more feminine and traditional foreign women who offer youth, beauty and loyalty, the qualities you lack.
Two of these traits are out of the control of most women. Much of the hidden support for IMBRA is because too many older American women think they are innocent of having grown older and are pissed that we are ignoring them even though they are nice and not feminist.
And there is some truth to that. The fall of the Soviet Union put a lot of very nice, non-feminist western women out of business socially simply because there were just as nice non-feminist women who were a lot younger now available.
These men realize that by marrying foreign women, they incur lower risk of divorce and greater probability of successful marriage and happiness. Therefore,... many of you will never marry or have children... you will end up like one of your own, Maria Cantwell - old, un-married, completely childless, living with mommy... You need to understand that by depriving and denying your biological instinct to create, love and nurture a family, modern feminism has created a royal road to oblivion that ends with your emptiness, bitterness and despair. Whatever traits or value you carried in your genes will stop with you. No children, no legacy... When you die, you truely die.
This can be considered cruel if read by a non-feminist American woman who didn't reach her current singleness by being mean and nasty or ignoring men for their career or rejecting men who voted for Reagan when they were college coeds. But for older feminists who fit that description, the loneliness is self-inflicted and Maria Cantwell is a prime example.
She is also trying to take our civil rights away because of it.
A growing number of men now make no apologies for rejecting any modern feminist women. The enormous risks incurred in marrying an American feminist are simply not justified by minimal or no rewards that these relationships bring. An American gentleman now has to walk through a minefield of risks including false abuse claims, financial bankrupcy (from divorce), and denial of child visitation rights. Thus, any intelligent and self-respecting man would reject this modern feminist paradigm of marriage.
That is another thing to test on a first date: How does the woman you are going on a date with think about false abuse claims? Depending on how she answers, A) walk away or B) continue.
Remember, if a woman tells you that she likes the way a rich man just got taken to the cleaners in a bitter divorce...she has just given you a warning about a 100% risk factor in marrying her.